Anonymous Monsters
For the past few weeks, I have been a target of online hate for something I really did not do or intend to do.
I have been tagged on tweets, posts and comments that berates my intelligence, my self-esteem, some called me names, some even poked fun at my height and weight.
Of course, like any human being, I felt pain when I read them, initially. And it's human nature to transfer the pain and anger that we feel. I wanted to defend myself and retaliate, only to realise I do not know who these online monsters are. They hide behind their celebrity idols' faces and names, not realising that their monstrous behaviour can be visually associated with the celebrities they love and respect. These monsters do not realise that when they propagate hate, it's not their faces and reputation that gets tarnished – it is the celebrities.
The online anonymity they posses make them feel so powerful. For the first time, they can say whatever they want to anyone, even celebrities, without being accountable and responsible for the pain and trauma they may cause. They become addicted to the social disinhibition their anonymity provides.
But here lies the truth – these people who bask in anonymity and social disinhibition are weak people in real life. And I empathise, maybe they feel lonely, insecure, insignificant. That's where all the hate comes from.
These online monsters can hate me all they want, all their lives. But I know I'm strong enough to handle that hate. I'm not perfect but I trust myself, I know myself. My self-esteem is intact. Real courage is taking responsibility of your words and action, and how they affect other people. No matter what these online monsters say about me, I have people – real people with real identities, real names and real passions – who remind me that I am worthy to be loved and respected.
Online anonymity turns weak people into monsters. Let's be stronger. Let's be human.
I'm Drunk, I Love You: A Sober Take On Unrequited Love
My favorite scene in JP Habac’s I’m Drunk, I Love You was when Dio (Paulo Avelino) started talking about his insecurities as an aspiring filmmaker, comparing himself with batch mates that were already featured in Young Star. The sound of frustration in Dio’s words clearly established the weight and meaning of it, especially if you’re a young Filipino artist. Carson (Maja Salvador), being the super best friend that she is, immediately turns it into a joke and tells Dio, “Mas bagay ka kasi sa Abante.”
The thing is, I know exactly how Dio feels towards Young Star. The same way I also know how Carson feels towards Dio. Both romantic, both juvenile and silly. I’m Drunk I Love You made me realise, GRADUATE NA TALAGA AKO SA DALAWANG ISSUE NA ‘YAN. But who am I to judge Dio and Carson, they needed to go through those yearnings so they could grow up.
Quirks and Intimacy
Watching I’m Drunk, I Love You felt like tagging along with Carson, Dio and Jason Ty. Fine, isama na natin si Pathy. It was entertaining and funny. The little frienship traditions were engaging — their common love for cheap alcohol and Peter’s Butterball, the love for OPM and the iPod game, and of course, the unparalleled fondness for Bagnet. Although I knew about the quirks, for some reason, I didn’t feel the intimate with Carson and Dio. I felt I was seeing the movie only through Carson’s limited point of view.
I wish I knew why Carson loves Dio so much — beyond Dio being good looking and talented. I wish I knew why Dio suddenly wanted to take up law, even without him explaining it Carson. It can be just between him and me (as the audience). I wish I knew little extra about Pathy, not just about the extra H in her name. Why did Pathy and Dio break up? What did Dio like about Pathy? But Jason Ty definitely felt like a real best friend to me.
Old Trope, New Focus
I’m Drunk, I Love You’s premise is not new. In fact, it utilises a romcom trope that has been recycled for so many years — Reality Bites, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Labs Kita Okey Ka Lang, Close To You, She’s The One — I think I’ve seen most of them. (Obviously, it’s my favorite trope.)
But I’m Drunk, I Love You gives it a fresh take by shifting the focus from the epic goal of winning the guy to the simple task of getting the emotion out of the f*cking way. When Carson admitted her feelings to Dio, it felt at first like a drunken declaration of love. But when she pulled away from Dio’s kisses, she proved to be emotionally sober. Carson knew they were kisses of consolation. (Sabi nga ni Jeff Buckley, “Kiss me out of desire, not out of consolation.”)
Sobering Up
“Huwag kang mag-sorry. Hindi mo kasalanan na hindi mo ako mahal.” Carson told Dio the day after the eventful night.
I’m Drunk, I Love You was not a love story. It was about finally moving forward. And it starts with a making a decision, which ultimately is empowering. In the last scene of the movie, I cried. No, it’s not when Sugarfree’s Burnout started to play. It was when Carson broke into laughter, leaving Dio completely clueless about it. At that moment, I knew she made a decision — to continue being Dio’s best friend, sans the pining and hoping. Carson finally realised that her life, her happiness, is up to her. Carson decided to grow up.
Bataan: A Local Historical Destination
I only knew of Bataan through my lolo’s perennial anecdotes about his experience during the Japanese occupation. He was seven when he and his dad had travel by foot and by boat to seek refuge in Bataan. Sweet potatoes are the only thing they could eat, he’d reiterate. However detailed my lolo’s stories were, Bataan remained to be just a mere setting. No photos nor vivid descriptions of the landscapes that could help me picture how Bataan was actually like.
But last May, Wincy surprised me with a well-planned weekend trip to Bataan. Finally! He already booked the hotel and even prepared an itinerary! My only task was to research where to eat. What I like best about Wincy’s itinerary was that it had a point of view, and some form of narrative that structured the whole trip.
Mt. Samat Shrine aka Dambana Ng Kagitingan
Initially, I thought the shrine would just be a simple giant cross on top of a mountain. When we got there, The Colonnade welcomed us – an Art Deco structure with marble walls and columns, stained glass panes, bronze installations and reliefs by Napoleon Abueva, all immortalising the tragedies and victories of the second World War.
At the corner of the Colonnade, there’s a small museum filled with artifacts. Looking at the weapons, worn out army uniforms and boots, news clippings and propaganda pamphlets felt reminiscent of this:
A quick uphill drive was the Memorial Cross, literally at the summit of Mt. Samat. From up close, the cross seemed more like a tower, clad with reliefs visualising our country’s history, our constant fight for freedom and independence.
Funny Break: When it started drizzling, Wincy and I took it as a cue to leave the shrine and check in our hotel. As I was getting down the Colonnade, I slipped. The soles of my Adidas Gazelles was relatively smooth, without grips. I had no way of controlling my fall – I slid down from the middle until the very last step. I didn’t scream because I didn’t want more people to see me. But a group of titas in a van screamed as they saw the whole ordeal while a distracted Wincy Ong (who was waiting in the car beside the titas) didn’t even see my very own epic “Fall of Bataan”.
On the way to Balanga, installations trailed the road, as if marking specific spots. Intrigued, we slowed down for a bit and discovered these installations were markers of the tragic Bataan Death March. Passing through markers to markers, I felt my sadness transform into a sense of gratitude and honor, realising that many Filipinos fought and died for our independence.
Balanga: Nostalgic Cosmopolitan
We stayed overnight in The Plaza Hotel, which was right at the heart of Balanga. Our room had a view of the town - you’d see the plaza where people gather for concerts and parties, the Balanga Cathedral, the mall, the city hall, and connected to it was the city library. Balanga was like a little Barcelona - a modern cultural center veiled by nostalgic architecture.
Like I mentioned, my only task was to find the right places to eat. Great food was not hard to find in Bataan, especially if you have a friend who actually lives there. Thanks to my good friend Michael, we got to try all these:
- Inside our hotel was a japanese restaurant popular to the locals, Cafe Kyoto.
- Stregato Gelateria is a few minute walk from the hotel. They also serve Italian savory dishes.
- Roberto’s serve good steaks, barbecue and burgers. They also have good coffee and desserts. It’s just across the plaza.
- The Beanery is a well-loved cafe in Bataan. They serve a wide range of coffee drinks (from your usuals to dessert-like frappes), as well as snacks and hearty meals. It’s actually so refreshing to see a local brand thrive over chain cafes.
Exploring Balanga was a perfect slow down to our rather historical and educational day trip.
Wincy enjoying the veranda of Roberto's.
Big Day Slim Team: A Slim-Down Spa At Your Home
Looking at old photos of me and my friends, I have two major realizations:
1. Three of them are getting married, two months apart.
2. My metabolism really did slow down now. (But I am still as cute. Don't argue with me.)
Let’s reflect first on Realization Number 2. Don’t get me wrong: It's not a body image issue! I’m pretty much secure of who I am inside and out. I’ve grown comfortable and confident with my body. I know now how to work with it and around it. I’m a firm believer that we should listen to our bodies and I am hearing my body updating me, “Metabolism--slowing down.”
It’s age. I’ve accepted it. But it doesn’t mean I'll just let it be. I realize now is the best time to make an extra effort to keep myself healthy. I try to eat less junk, more veggies. Walk more. Drink more water. But of course, stress and puyat catch up. But nonetheless, there is a conscious effort.
Which brings me to Realization Number 1. In each of these weddings, I will be a bridesmaid and I need to wear three different dresses! I have no plans doing crash diets just to fit in those dresses. (Crash diets can be seriously dangerous!) But with my slowing metabolism plus the inevitable stresses of adulting, a little help is very welcome.
Big Day Slim Team came in at the right time! Big Day Slim Team is your most convenient way to safely lose a few inches. They’re a home-service team, so they go to your place at the time you prefer. The setup really works for me because it’s in the privacy of my own home.
I booked six sessions (that’s the minimum) of Lipocavitation and Radiofrequency for both my tummy area and arms. And of course, I’ve researched and asked doctor friends about it, the procedures are safe and non-invasive. The side effects I’ve read about are minimal bruising but that never happened to me. For a complete list of the services they offer and their rates, here’s a link: http://www.bigdayslimteam.com/services.html
Every session, the Big Day Slim team turns our condo into a mini spa. Along with their slimming machines, they also bring a bed that's covered with fresh, clean sheets and towels. They can also play spa music if you ask them to. But in my case, I catch up on series episodes or movies.
Each session lasts around 2 1/2 hours. We always take measurements before and after, to record the changes. The procedures were comfortable and painless. Actually, I just felt like I was having a massage! I was even able to watch Netflix during the procedure.
The technicians are also well-trained, friendly and assuring. They are knowledgable about the services, attentively accommodating my questions. They also ask me from time to time if the intensity of the machines are good with my preference or tolerance. For more details, I advise you also read their FAQ’s, quite helpful: http://www.bigdayslimteam.com/faqs.htm
So was it effective? Take my word for it. Here’s how much I’ve lost per session:
SESSION 1
Tummy - 0.5 inch
Arms - 0.5 inch each arm
SESSION 2
Tummy - 1 inch
Arms - 0.5 inch each arm
SESSION 3
Tummy - 1 inch
Arms - 1 inch each arm
SESSION 4
Tummy - 1 inch
Arms - 1 inch each arm
So far, that’s a total of 3.5 inches lost in the tummy area and 3 inches lost in both my arms. I actually also tried their Radiofrequency for the face and neck during my fourth sessions and many people noticed the difference. In the coming weeks, I’ll be finishing my SESSIONS 5 and 6! I’m very satisfied with Big Day Slim Team’s service — private, convenient and most of all effective.
But always remember, these services are like finishing touches to a masterpiece. They are quick, but not a quick fix. We still need to continually take care of our bodies by eating healthy and staying active.
Why We All Need Simon
Don’t get me wrong. I am rooting for Clark and Leah — that’s why I think On The Wings Of Love needed Simon.
First of all, I appreciate how Simon’s character is carefully crafted. His backstory was a bittersweet metamorphosis from a shy nerd to a sophisticate, all because of the right kind of love. His tragic love story with Juliet gave enough reason for me to believe that, hey, this guy had been through a lot. For sure, Simon’s already all grown up, making him the ultimate foil to Leah and Clark as a couple, and as individuals.
Simon and Leah
If you carefully notice, Leah never had someone to look up to. Leah started out as a lost girl who wanted to find her mother. Her dreams were not for herself but for her family. She was a character that only reacts to whatever her fate in San Francisco throws at her. When she retuned to Manila and started working in advertising, she met Simon. Simon made Leah appreciate the difference between a job and a career. Finally, Leah was making plans and setting goals for herself, while her family also benefits as well.
Maybe not everyone will understand, but having a mentor is one of the best things that can happen to anyone. A mentor fulfils a certain facet in a person’s life that romantic love or familial love cannot fill in — self actualisation.
Simon gives Leah the great opportunity to self-actualise. To go beyond making ends meet and find a passion that pays. Through Simon, Leah actually hones her talent and grows as an individual. In Leah’s eyes, Simon is her mentor. That’s pretty clear to me. To her, Simon is everything she dreams of becoming — secure, confident, stable and independent.
Simon and Clark
Leah would always describe Clark as perfect. Clark was Leah’s hero — always there to protect her, defend her and help her. San Francisco may have robbed Clark of a normal childhood, personal and educational growth but Clark compensated with hard work, creativity and grit. In essence, Clark is the human equivalent of diskarte.
Here comes Simon — the Summa Cum Laude from one of the top universities in the Philippines, one of the youngest Executive Creative Directors in the advertising industry. Good on paper — everything Clark is not. And that drives Clark crazy insecure, crazy jealous, exposing our supposedly perfect hubby’s cracks and flaws — a mark of great writing! The more flawed the characters are, the more human they become.
Basically, Simon’s sheer existence has humanised Clark. Clark is no longer the dreamy, brooding amboy that he was. It also doesn’t help that Simon is witty, calculated, and eloquent. He knows how to subtly push Clark’s buttons without getting himself intro trouble. But that gets Leah into trouble.
Simon and #CLeah
Of course, Simon’s character was definitely designed to rock the couple’s boat. Fiction blooms in conflict. I refuse to see Simon as a third party because clearly, Leah admires him as a mentor and not as a romantic partner. Leah is not cheating in any way, whether physically and emotionally. She’s merely building her universe as an individual person, beyond her being Clark’s wife. And Simon has a clear role in her universe.
What makes Simon’s character further interesting is his evolving feelings for Leah — from professional admiration to romantic aspirations. I cannot blame him. In fact, it’s easy to comprehend: It’s so easy to fall in love with a person who stimulates your mind. After all, falling in love happens inside the head. But this makes Leah and Simon’s relationship imbalanced, affecting Leah and Clark’s.
Also with Simon’s existence, the immaturity of Leah and Clark as a couple is magnified. Obviously, Simon is an issue both of them cannot handle very well. Clark starts to become passive aggressive about his feelings while Leah gets constantly accused of being selfish and punished for being unassuming. Makes me rethink if Leah and Clark are actually ready to get married, and more so, are they marrying for the right reasons?
Simon and Us (The Audience)
On The Wings Of Love is a TV series starring the love team of JaDine. Although it may have been inspired by its creators’ personal experiences, at the end of the day, it is a work of fiction. JaDine is a love team, so it is understandable for the audience, us, to expect lots of kilig moments.
But I’d like to believe that the creators of On The Wings Of Love are more than the kilig moments they churn out. They are storytellers, love storytellers, to be more specific. And the greatest love stories are about relationships, about people who work their ways around their own flaws and imperfections. Relationships have kilig moments but a collection of kilig moments does not make a relationship.
Simon challenging #CLeah is a good exercise in watching fiction. If there’s such a thing as “writing problem”, or “directing problem” there is also a thing as “watching problem.” The kind of narrative On The Wings Of Love is exposing us stretches our watching behavior. Where do we draw the line between Clark and James, Leah and Nadine, Simon and Paulo? Up to what extent can we comprehend the characters’ conflicts and points of view? Are we only watching On The Wings Of Love for the kilig moments or are we truly invested on Clark and Leah’s journey?
Simon and Paulo Avelino
Can we take the moment to realise and appreciate how brilliant it is casting Paulo Avelino as Simon? Paulo Avelino exudes an intoxicating artsy mystery, like an untamed, brooding gentleman. His styling is polished and sharp, but the way he talks is still imperfect (with a slight lisp, missing some pronunciations) which adds to the nerd-turned-executive charm. He melts well — he can give you cold, he can give you tender. And as a public figure, he’s too cool to care about the social media wrath of the JaDine fans.
You, Me and OTWOL
Lastly, I really hope more women gets to understand Leah. I’m not here to argue, but I would just like to offer perspective. On The Wings Of Love is shot in an omniscient, third person point of view, meaning, we all know the characters’ true feelings, thoughts and intentions. Making us know more than Leah. We may know that Clark’s jealousy truly has basis, and that Simon’s actually starting to take things personal. But Simon's true feelings are beyond Leah's knowledge. Yes, she may feel it, but based on how things are turning out — she seems clueless. I’d like to think that Leah is just the type of girl who doesn’t want to assume. She’s been like that ever since. Clark took her to a DIY prom and still she chose not to assume that Clark loves her. That’s why I don’t think she’ll ever assume Simon is in love with her, unless Simon expresses it directly. Another thing, it is quite tricky and risky to actually assume that kind of thing about your boss.
But more than anything, I am really happy that On The Wings Of Love happened to local television. I think it has opened interesting discussions and discourse, revealing the diverse psychographics of the audience, indirectly touching on feminism. And although we may not agree with each other's opinions, but there’s a respectful way to express ourselves.